Dazed and confused

I am afraid not much has changed since the last post. In fact it only feels like things are getting worse. Do you ever get the feeling that you should be the opposite of what you currently are? Whether it is a physical or emotional state, do you ever get the feeling that there is something missing?  That there is something more?  I can't seem to shake this feeling and it is driving me insane.  I need to stop waiting for things to happen and start making them happen at whatever cost.  Everything happens for a reason right? But what happens when we inflict our own circumstances upon ourselves?  I thought that a new look (new haircut and color) would change my attitude and make me see things differently and it did to a certain extent but now I still feel like it is not enough.  I want more and feel that I deserve it. I just want to move on with my life and yet I feel trapped with no way out of current conditions.  I recently read the book The Secret and I  felt so empowered after I read it.  The feeling continued for a little while and then reality decided to slap me in the face and hard.  If we are the makers of our own destiny then why isn't this easier?  All I know is that I want to be happy. I would love for the feeling to last all day long into the next day but I will even settle for just one whole day.  I want that euphoric feeling to never end and I just can't seem to make it happen. I need to feel validated as a wife, mother, friend, sister, daughter, and most of all ...a woman but instead of seeking it within myself I continue to look for this validation from others.  I know that I am the only one who can make myself happy so why am I not happy?  Does this mean that I am the cause of my unhappiness. Am I the one to blame for misery I feel day in and day out? Is my current emotional state a result of my own doing?  I wake up praying and fall asleep praying for answers.  I ask the Lord for help and guidance to make better choices when I understand that I alone am to blame for the wrong decisions I knowingly make. 

I just don't know if I still want the same things I thought I did before.  It's funny because I grew up truly believing that life was like it was in the movies and fairytales. I really wanted to believe that I could have all of those things I had dreamt about as a child.  I  wanted my own happily ever after and never did it occur to me that there was any other way to be.  Now I have been told that I was crazy for ever thinking that life was going to be like it is in the movies and that I need to realize that life is not full of happy endings. I must admit that for some time I gave in to that way of thinking and feel like the life has been sucked right of me.  I now realize as I am typing this that I still want to believe that life can be like a movie with its happy ending and I  intend to make it so. I just have to believe it and disregard all the negativity around me and just focus on the fairytale I wish to live out.