Belly of the whale

Do you ever feel that things have gotten so bad that you are never going to find a way out?  Do you ever get so trapped in your thoughts that you feel like a prisoner in your own mind? Things go from bad to worse in instant and we allow them to take us on a downward emotional spiral of sadness, anger, selfishness, etc...
Sometimes we tend to let the stresses of the world slowly creep in and before we know it...we have lost all control of our thoughts and have allowed the walls to cave in around us. We keep struggling to stay in control but the more we struggle the more withdrawn we become from the one that is indeed in control. It can get to the point that we feel like Jonah trapped in the belly of the whale wishing for death with  no hope, no faith, no desire to seek Him and completely lost.  It is easy to get lost in the trials and worries of the world that sometimes we allow it to consume our thoughts and take over in our lives.  When we allow emotions to take over we lose sight of the fact that God is still in control.  I know we will face different seasons in our lives and that it is always nice when everything seems to be going the way we want it to. All of a sudden (or at least it feels that way) the rug is swept from under us and we are trapped in the belly of the whale with no hope for rescue of the inevitable fate that we fear to come.  What we tend to forget is that it is at these particular moments, the ones where we think that nothing can help us and there is no hope in sight, it is then that we are to surrender all to Him who is ready to reach out and save us and all we have to do is ask. He is already fighting our battles and offering refuge if we just call out to Him. The last few weeks have been testing my faith and in my weakness I have neglected to surrender it all to Him. It is, after all, much easier said than done. I mean who wants to pretend that all the bills will pay themselves or that all of the suffering will subside or that your circumstances (no matter how big or small) will suddenly get better. We live in society where it is a sign of weakness to ask for help.  How do we do this?  Very simple...we pray and ask Him for help.  It is okay to give up control to Him and He wants nothing more than for us to have a relationship filled with enough trust that we are not afraid to ask Him for help. I am broken and no longer embarrassed or afraid to ask for His help because I need it now more than ever. Lord forgive me for thinking that I can do things on my own without you and thank you for your continued blessings.  Help me to remember that you are always here to take on all that which I cannot and to provide peace  and hope that only you can.

Mommy's need love too!

Matthew 7:1-5New International Version (NIV)

Judging Others

7 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. ² For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

³ “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? ⁴ How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? ⁵ You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

 Have you ever noticed how as a society we can be so judgmental of others? As Matthew 7:1-5 tells us above, we are not to judge others, yet as a mom, I see it happen daily. Women have it tough enough as it is and being a mommy just adds to that societal pressure that we sometimes tend to put on ourselves. As a mother I know that I sometimes tend to feel like I am always coming up short with my mommy duties. How I would have loved to have been able to stay home and raise my kids and  feed them home cooked meals daily, and have all chores and homework done before husband arrives from a long day at work to his doting wife and children.  A girl can dream, right? Instead, I am faced with my reality...a full time working mom who tries to help her full time working husband make ends meet and still come up short in the end.  My kids have been raised up in the public school system and fast food and take-out are the norm just to be able to squeeze in homework between baseball practice and all other rehearsals. That is just a normal weekday, add to that the crazy idea that I should go back to school to get my bachelor's degree (because how I can I tell my kids to do something that I have not) and you have all the makings of my perfect chaotic life.

 Since my kids came along, they have been my world! I used to think that I lived for them and went out of my way to be the best supermom I could be.  Volunteer at school needed, done...team mom needed, done...project helper extraordinaire, done...homework helper, done... pretty much anything and everything that needed to be done I found a way to be the "got to" gal and I had a very hard time just saying no. I thought that if I could do and be all of these things for my kids that I was being the best mommy that I could be to them.  I did not want the fact that I had a full time job and went to school part time to be the reason that I could not be there for my kids so I wore all the hats that I could no matter the cost.  The thing is that the more involved I was, the less connected I became to my children. I had guilty working mom syndrome and felt horrible that I could not be all things to my kids at all times. Once I learned to put God first and surrender my family to Him it became evident that all my kids needed was for me to be present in the moments that mattered. I needed to come to terms with the realization that one day they will grow up and move on with their lives and that was okay. That was ultimately the goal anyway right?....to make them productive members of society who loved and worshipped the Lord. Who was I if I was not their mom first?   Maybe that is what scared me more than anything... who was I without them? I will always be their mom but the older they got the more I needed to learn to let go of some things and let them take responsibility.  Moms try so hard to be everything to their children no matter how old they get, but if you are not putting God first in your heart and surrendering your family to Him, then you are doing your family a disservice and not allowing them to thrive on their own.  So take it easy on the moms you see out there going through their own struggles. We are all doing the best we can with what we have and yes there will be times that we will fail but there will also be those moments that we relish the sheer bliss of our sweet success. If something did not work out the way you planned today give God the glory and recognize that maybe it was not His plan for you anyway and try again tomorrow.  So the next time the laundry is all over the house, or the dishes are piled high with the take out from the night before, or despite all of your baby proofing efforts the little one has run into the one spot on the wall that sends him to the ER, give yourself a break and relax.  If you see another mom having a bad day just send a heartfelt smile and prayer her way knowing that we have all been there at one point or another and we get through it eventually. Support one another as mothers should because after all, we are all doing the best we can with what we have. Love your children, pray with and for them and be in the moments that matter...

I lay it all down...

This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us-whatever we ask-we know that we have what we asked of him. 1 John5:14-15 NIV

When you make your relationship your top priority, you can come boldly before Him and ask anything.  How amazing is our God! Desire to make your relationship with Him a priority and he will grant all of our requests. This year I choose to give Him my everything.  I lay it all down and surrender completely to Him. This is something that has been difficult for me in years past because I tend to be a bit of a control freak (or so I 'm told).  Knowing that He is in control has lifted such a burden off my shoulders and has brought me peace that I have never before experienced. Things will not always go as planned but it comforts me to know that He is in control and I know He's got this:)
This year started off with a bang and we made it a priority to spend the first week at church for Gateway's First Conference. What an experience that was! The worship team there is absolutely amazing, so much so that you can actually feel the presence of the Holy Spirit every time you come to worship. I am looking forward to becoming official members of the church and to become an active member of our church family to better serve others. God is so good and I cannot wait to see what he has in store for us!

What a wonderful world...

It seems that this phrase is used to reminisce about the world we used to know instead of the one that we are blessed to wake up to. But stop to think for just a moment abut the gifts that He gives us daily.  What a gift giver our Lord is! From the sunrise to the glow of the stars to the sound of a child's laughter.  He has filled our world with an abundance of beautiful things and sometimes in this fast paced life, we tend to overlook the simplest of these. Social media tends to only point out all that is wrong with the world instead of allowing us the opportunity to focus on the beauty that exists all around as well as within us.  Life is too short to not take in all that He has gifted us.  Stop for just a moment to admire the sunrise, for we are not promised tomorrow's. Take some time to tell your loved ones that you love them, because they will not always be here.  It is easy to find flaws in this world and to complain when life does not go your way, the true challenge is to find the good that still exists out there.  We should all take some time to find the good that lives in us to be able to share it with the world. Let God's light shine so bright within you that others can see it in your smile! Maybe this is what needs to happen for us to be able to look around and say what a wonderful world:)  

Back again:)

It has been forever and a day since I have had (or rather, made) time to tend to my poor little neglected blog and oh how I have missed it.  There is something almost therapeutic about taking the time to put thoughts to paper ( or in this case, computer) that really calms the soul.  I have taken to Instagram as my new social media of choice since it only involves a photo and a caption and that is something I definitely have time for. Not to mention the fact that unlike some of the other social media outlets out there, Instagram is not an all out rant fest and makes it much more my speed. This time around my blog will follow my journey as I go back to school ...again and focus more on my spiritual life as I attempt to find my true calling. Time for devotionals before I wake up the rest of the crew this morning and my coffee is getting cold, so on that note, have a blessed day and live in the moments!

I will not walk alone

The New Year has arrived and I must say that it has started with a BANG!  It always amuses me how people make resolutions for the new year that somehow always resemble the exact same ones made the year prior.  Don't get me wrong, I am all for changing for the better.  The issue I have is when you keep making the same resolutions only to fall short and give up before giving yourself another chance to succeed.  This year maybe it is time to do some self reflection and find out exactly what is keeping you from attaining these goals you have made for yourself. That is exactly what we have done for 2015.  No longer will we make selfish requests for our own prosperity, no sir. This year we (Hubby and I) have learned that without GOD first in our lives it is impossible to move forward and succeed in all of our endeavors.  How one measures success is also to be taken into account here because the measure of my successes will not be the same as another. For this I am grateful, because I know without a shadow of a doubt that GOD has a plan for me and that by faith and prayer for guidance I will overcome any and all obstacles to lead me to do His will.  Every morning that I am able to wake up to a new day is a blessing and for me... a success.  Just imagine the possibilities that abound when you are given a new day to serve the Lord by serving others!  It makes my heart sing with joy at the thought of sharing just a little bit of my light with others. To let others know that by the grace of God I am here to listen to them, share a kind word or gesture, or better still share with them the word of God.  I am blessed that I have found my way back to my faith and want nothing more than to share it with others in what I say and I do.  I know this task will not be easy as every day our faith is tested by struggles and challenges beyond our control.  Knowing that I will not walk alone during those tumultuous times makes the journey worthwhile.  Look out 2015 because here I come to achieve all that God has set before me!   

Where has the time gone?

Today we celebrate our 20 year high school reunion. 20 years!  I used to watch movies like Peggy Sue Got Married and Romy & Michelle's High School Reunion when I was younger and think, wow...one day that will be me attending my own high school reunion and just imagine all that I will have accomplished by then. Maybe I will inspire someone will write a best selling novel or I could invent something amazing that every household would use. What if I could do something that would make a lasting impression on the world around me?  The world was my oyster and I just needed to go out and find my treasure. Why not?  That's what happens in the movies, right? Maybe I graduated at the top of my class at a very prestigious university and moved on to a successful career in business or possibly skipped college altogether to back pack through Europe in hopes of finding myself while documenting my experiences and penning a notable memoir or better yet, maybe I dropped out of college to invent social media apps and now make more money than our entire graduating class combined!  Well,  my story is nowhere near as exciting as the Harvard graduate, the soul searching traveler, or the social media mogul. Fast forward to today and I must admit that there have been no best selling novels that I have inspired, no successful inventions, nothing extraordinary.  I guess you could say that there really is not a whole lot to mention regarding  significant accomplishments...or are there? What I do have to share is a simple tale of a girl who wanted nothing more in life than to grow up with hopes of becoming a terrific mommy to her children and a doting wife to her husband. Sounds simple, doesn't it?  After all, how hard can it actually be to be a good mother and wife and raise a  God loving family?  Well, let me just say that the reality is far more rewarding than anything you could ever prepare for. Yes, there will be ups and downs and good times and bad, but with God first in your life, the good times will always outweigh the bad and there will be more ups than downs making it Your story  which no one can take away from you.  The challenge is to hold on through the rough times knowing that in the end, God's grace will get you through and make you better for it. Easier said than done, right? But I can honestly say that it because of the hard times we have endured that my relationship with my husband has grown closer than ever and my relationship with my children is one that is better than any I could have ever imagined.  Our kids actually like to hang out with us and spend time with us...at least they do now. I know that one day that may not be the case, but at least for now the foundation has been laid for a close family and will continue to flourish throughout the years with the grace of God.  So although I may not have the riches and successes that others have achieved since our high school days, I can honestly say that I have found my triumphs in my family and there is no amount of money or success that could ever replace that.